Jax Creations Photography, colorado baby photogreapher, seattle, Creative LiveWOW!

Wow….. I think even though I have so many words in my head and have dealt with so many emotions…. I am speechless! Although in this blog post, you will probably laugh at how many words I do actually say!

If you follow me on facebook, I posted a few weeks ago that I was chosen to be a part of Kelly Brown’s class over at Creative Live in Seattle. Kelly owns Little Pieces Photography which I have been a follower of her for years. I use her actions- which I HIGHLY recommend. Anywho…. I submitted to be a part of the live audience and to my surprise I was one of the 12 that was chosen. Such an incredible surprise and shock. I had posted a Go Fund Me account and because of family, friends and clients- they all made this dream come true for me. I packed my bags and headed at Seattle for a 5 day bootcamp!

What I did not expect was incredible connection, friendships and reality check.

Before I left, my hubby and I had sat down and had such an amazing conversation about my business and photography. I am a very emotional person- I thrive off of how people feel ( in the good ways ) – when I take a photo it must contain a story, a relationship, a detail, or emotion in some way. When I work with clients, I want to make sure I produce technically good images but what I stress out the most is will I be able to make them FEEL what I see or what I feel. Will I be able to have them look at their image of their baby with the peach fuzz shoulders to the point they remember how soft it felt. That image where mom is snuggling her baby under her chin, yes it is beautiful but I want them to be able to look at it and remember how beautiful their baby smelt and that feeling of their hair brushed against their cheek. Every day we experience special moments with our kids, in either the way they crinkle their nose at certain times, smile with those first few baby teeth come in, big round eyes and a serious face…. I want my clients to feel like I am giving them more than just a session- I honestly want to be able to just capture this special moment so they can remember it. It all goes so fast!

In our conversation he kept saying over and over again that I am different and that I needed to be proud of that. He said with what I am able to offer clients is much more than a picture- he says that I offer an experience. And that is truly what I want to give!

I am not sure if I ever shared the reason of WHY I do photography. My fear, even as a child, was that I would forget my memories. I fear that either slowly or one day I will wake up and forget those little things… the way my husband looked when we first met, the curl of my kids hair, the day I sprayed whipped cream on the counters for them to play in…. our wedding, our births…. being able to look at whatever image I have and be flooded with all those emotions and memories of that moment- that is my why. My photos are my history to my past and they mean so much to me. When a client comes to me for a newborn session, that is exactly what I want to give them. I am not a photographer that does perfect newborn poses- it is beautiful and I love seeing them, but for me personally, I love to watch a baby lay in their natural curl or stretch and capture that. That is the way that, that mom sees her baby each day. I will gently guide them in a safe manner, but they are as they are- perfect!

So I would like to share with you my journey to Creative Live with Kelly.

After the acceptance letter, I “stalked” a few of the other girls who were also invited via facebook. We had made plans on room sharing and when flights were coming in. Gosh, I can still feel that excitement and anticipation of it all. I was over the moon on how helpful all these strangers were in not only supporting me on my travels but in all the planning. Usually in the photography world there is much more competition then there is support so having that so early on was so exciting!!

I arrived Saturday evening and driving through Seattle was overwhelming. So much traffic, but all the lights were beautiful and I got to see the Space Needle all lit up- that was awesome as I have only seen it in either movies or in photos. In the morning I would meet Kelly for the first time and start bootcamp. Needless to say I was a ball of nerves. That night I was chatting with an amazing woman who I will share more about, but as we were drifting to sleep we were making comments about meeting Kelly and how she is best friends with Sue Bryce– who I simply admire. Dreamed of meeting her one and just having her kick my butt personally like she does in her classes. How funny would it be if she showed up during that week!

Sunday morning came and I walked into Creative Live – right away we were greeted and walked into the break room which was neat- every wall in there was a photographer’s dream- brick walls, white walls, gray walls and the details around everywhere were amazing. Each day we had a full breakfast, lunch and snacks for everyone. The way they treat their company and employees was really so inspiring. Each day I feel in general that we have either bad or so-so customer service, but there at Creative Live- there was no such thing. Every single person was incredible. I ended up dressing very casual as we were told it was more like being a fly on the wall then being on camera- so jeans, flannel shirt and tennis shoes was what I chose. I got to meet Kelly and was seriously just floored on how beautiful she is. And tall! Holy wow- she is tall!

We started the day and watched her work with newborns and it was amazing. I have watched her videos before but being able to watch her in person…. indescribable. The day of shooting was long but I think it was more because of sitting in one place in jeans. I am much more the yoga pants and sitting more curled up in my chair. It was an amazing first day. As we finished wrapping for the day, I turned around because I heard the door open….. SUE BRYCE walked in. I immediately started waving like a 2 year old on a merry go round. I couldn’t believe it. Freaking Sue Bryce was right there!!!! As soon as the cameras turned off, we all jumped up and it was like a swarm of bees on honey. She is tall but so tiny and B E A U T I F U L. Her presence was just WOW. So opposite of me. She is full of confidence and just holds herself so beautifully. I on the other hand felt more like a rag doll. Soon we were all standing around in a circle just chatting with her. Not that we did not love Kelly, but for a lot of us, being able to meet Sue was a bucket list item. Suddenly we just started asking questions and I just blurted out my question… and then started crying. I was overcome with that fact that I am standing in front to this lovely person but also because I have so much fear of failure. I will tell you that she did kick my butt and told me to buck up! I think it is safe to say that we each just adored that small moment we got. It was truly incredible!!

* Thank you Sue for making me feel that I matter. And I am sorry for the ugly cry!

Over the next few days, I made friendships that I hope will last a very long time. I am so happy that we all connected in some way and there was never a moment of competition. I have a few fave moments of this trip that I will write in my journal but one of them was being able to watch a new found friend- Trina – enjoy the things around her. One of our after class adventures was exploring Pike’s Market. I have seen photos of it before so I wanted to see the fish catching, the flowers and fruit stands. As we walked up to the fish market we learned that anyone can catch a fish so Trina, without a skip asked if she could… and she did!! I was so happy for her- what a fun experience! Seeing the market was neat and the flowers and fruit were so beautiful. And I totally acted like a tourist taking photos of everything I liked!

That night I enjoyed a quiet dinner with another talented artist- Melanee- as we chatted about life, goals, and of course photography over Chinese food. It was a night that was just needed!

I learned a lot from this course- and even though I am not a fantastic baby “poser” I did learn a few little tricks but most importantly what I learned was that I am not perfect in any way and that is ok! The last segment of the course that will air April 10th -Balancing Life & Career – is the one that I learned the most from. I have a lot- A LOT of self hate. I am unhealthy both mentally and phyiscally- I had no desire to spend time with anyone- being in my dark place seemed the safest for me. I am overweight and it didn’t matter how much my husband told me I was beautiful- I could see it in the mirror and in photos- I did not value myself. I can in an instant give to others- without blinking or even thinking- it makes me happy to please others. But for myself- I was not worthy of anything. When my husband tells me that he loves me, all I could think about was the things I failed at for the day… I didn’t clean good enough, I didn’t give him enough attention, dinner was just hot dogs, my kids hate me…. all I could see and would tell myself was that I sucked! And to give you a heads up- during this segment- I had the out-of-breath- ugly cry. It was so hard to admit out loud the hate that I felt for myself and be on camera- I am not sure if it is a part of the video that you will see, but take this as my warning LOL. What I learned- between my conversation with my hubby and this past week- I am ME. I am beautiful. I have passion which gives me talent. God has blessed me with an incredible gift and I am so grateful for that. I NEED to value myself so that I can give those I love more. My kids and my hubby deserve a healthy me. My clients need to see that I also value myself by having only certain hours I work and pricing myself not only to make an income but for my family! This was the hardest part of the course for me because I did have to dig deep and get real. It is so easy to cover up the issues instead of dealing with them.

My goals are to be honest and real with myself- get myself healthy again- be active, eat better, stick to that schedule and enjoy my family. I have to fix myself from the inside- I deserve it. I will be also making changes to my business that will benefit our family by sticking to my hours and not letting the other photographers around me dictate what I should do. I know what I want- I just need to do it. I need to face the fear and tell it that it is not welcome here. In one town here, Fort Collins, there are over 3,000 babies born a year. 3,000!!! There are plenty of adorable babies born each month for all the photographers here- we need to stop being so competitive and start being more supportive- not only will it help each other but it will also help educate others on the value of photography. At least that is what I like to think.

To the ladies that have I have been blessed to meet…….

Kelly– You make me speechless. I wish I was just able to place my heart on the table for you to read- words are so much harder to share. Thank you SO much for this incredible opportunity. You are the Grace Kelly of photography- you are so gentle, kind, graceful… everything that a role model should be and more. Yes, it was great watching you do your magic with babies but it meant more to hear you speak in casual conversations with you and to hear and see that you are just like everyone else- human. Hearing the failures that you shared (in sessions), made me feel that I am not a failure…. that you too deal with what we deal with on the business end of things. And most of all- THANK YOU for helping me be honest with my fears- for lifting me off the floor. You are the gift in my life that will be forever remembered. Thank You!

Sue– First I want to apologize for the ugly cry and thank you for lifting me up as well. Meeting you was seriously on my bucket list and being able to speak with you personally- to see you look at me and tell me to knock it off- by asking me what I was afraid of- ….  I was going to try to explain it but again- no words can do that justice. You are simply amazing! I plan on one day gaining just a little bit more confidence that you have for myself. That little moment I had with you- will be a lifetime memory! Thank you!!

CreativeLive– holy wow- what an amazing company you are!!! You made me feel so welcomed and taken care of. Thank you for the opportunity that I will always remember and thank you for the care of each of us girls that were there. I am totally missing the breakfast, lunch and snacks! But I do have to tell you that the pop-tart with Nutella and strawberry snack- totally stole that and earned brownie points with my kids for a special yummy snack- SO GOOD!!

Mollie – You are an incredible gift!! It was truly amazing getting to know you and hearing about what you have been through. Your story is a blessing and anyone that gets to meet you is very lucky. Thank you so much for picking me up so late at night and sharing the bed- I truly enjoyed our pillow talk about dreaming that Sue would visit. I loved how you constantly had a smile on your face all the time. I feel blessed that I was able to meet you!! You can find her website HERE

Dawn P – I keep thinking of all your photo bombs- makes me giggle to see them but also watching you do them. I wish I had more time getting to know you but it was fun meeting another mom with a house full of kids! You can find her website HERE

Dawn H– Cheesecake Factory will forever remind me of you- not that we have one close by but so glad we got to walk around the city blocks to make our way there. Conversations with you were never dull and it was a treat to share space with you that week. Being able to sit all together and talk for hours about photography was fun. You can find her site HERE

Patrisha – “Helloooo Internet”- that phrase is forever burned in my head with that Brazilian Irish accent. It was fun sharing stories with you and seeing how focused you are on your business and see how much you just love your family. I really enjoyed the talks about parenting and wish I was more structured like you! You are going to grow so much these year- I can feel it!! You can find her website HERE

Trina – I miss hanging out with you- you were like watching a kid in a candy store for the first time. I loved talking with you and hearing about the difference between your home town and ours. I could listen to you talk all day long and never get tired listening. You are one of the girls I miss terribly already- I really really hope we keep in touch! Thank you for letting me share in your adventures in Seattle- fish catching, shopping, and getting a cab- you make me smile girl! You can view her site HERE

Ali – I wish I had more time to get to know you. You honestly had me speechless when we first met- pink hair and bubbly conversations, but I quickly learned that you are simply amazing and talented and SO kind and SO generous. You are the light that was needed in our days. Lunch breaks were so enjoyable with you as we shared stories and laughs. I really hope to grow a deeper friendship with you! You can view her site HERE

Tammy – You were the warm heart and hug that greeted me when I came into Seattle. You are beautiful and talented and I am looking forward to watching your journey to your goals! I quickly forget how different other countries are but if anyone can make a difference in Germany- You will!! You can find her site HERE

Melissa – My goodness – you have the most infectious smile ever! You have such an honest joy that surrounds you and I couldn’t help but to want to be near that. Sharing stories with you was so much fun and it was so nice to meet another “Auto-Cad” wife! I will be bugging you when I feel my inner Martha Stewart is calling! You can view her site HERE

Melanee – You were like my safety blanket! It was so wonderful to connect, share, chat, laugh and smile with you. I loved sharing stories about our boys, our goals, and dream studio. Being able to connect on a quieter level and connect with another introvert – all in a good way- was so much needed. Plus it was really awesome to know that anywhere we went in Seattle, you could pull out your handy dandy pocket knife in a photographers second! Miss you!! You can view your website HERE

Tammi – There just was not enough time with you at all. But the few moments where we got to chat and you shared, it was beautiful. I am so glad you got to come back to CL with Kelly and be a part of the group. I pray for wonderful things for you!! You can find her website HERE

Jennifer – I feel like I am Dorothy from the Wizard Of Oz saying goodbye to everyone – You were the one that I connected with the most- not in a creepy way. You seriously made me laugh every day between watching you take pictures with Kelly, Sue, and Kenna to our random stories of feet, hands and raising our kids. Hanging out with you was like hanging out with a best friend from High School. I miss our conversations so much and your wonderfully animated stories- and your heart, your passion, and your down home ways. I can not wait for you to share your photos from the Space Needle- they are stunning! You can view her site HERE

Thank you so much ladies for an incredible week. This was something I needed so much but didn’t know until it was all over. It was amazing to connect with everyone in such an honest and giving way. I miss everyone so much but so glad we can keep connected through the fabulous and time sucking internet!

To everyone that gave so much support through Go Fund Me – THANK YOU so much. You helped me do something that was impossible but I think what was more touching was how much you each believed in me.

To my hubby and to my children- I know what you each did was so giving. Taking on all the responsibilities of every day life for 5 days is no easy task- so thank you for such amazing support, love and inspiration. It was so nice coming home to everyone

Now for the photo fun- I left my work camera at home and focused on just being a silly tourist by using my point and shoot camera and phone so the images are not technically perfect but they are perfect to me- it was about recording a memory!

Jax Creations Photography, CreativeLive, Seattle, Colorado baby photographer, Kelly Brown

sitting at the airport waiting for my flight to Seattle. I get anxious flying and being around strangers- especially when they are in your bubble space just coughing up yuck.

Jax Creations Photography, CreativeLive, Seattle, Colorado baby photographer, Kelly Brown

Jax Creations Photography, CreativeLive, Seattle, Colorado baby photographer, Kelly Brown

My moment with Kelly!!! EEEK!!! So exciting- she is absolutely stunning!

Jax Creations Photography, CreativeLive, Seattle, Colorado baby photographer, Kelly Brown

Watching CreativeLive is fun but it is surreal meeting the host- Kenna is so amazing and makes everyone feel so at home! And makes sure we get in some stretches between shots!

Jax Creations Photography, CreativeLive, Seattle, Colorado baby photographer, Kelly Brown

This is my friend Trina – standing in front of Kelly’s competition image- an amazing image she created!

Jax Creations Photography, CreativeLive, Seattle, Colorado baby photographer, Kelly Brown

One of our lovely ladies from Germany shared some chocolate with us- and showed up a nifty way to open it!

Jax Creations Photography, CreativeLive, Seattle, Colorado baby photographer, Kelly Brown

Break room at Creative Live

Jax Creations Photography, CreativeLive, Seattle, Colorado baby photographer, Kelly Brown

We walked a few blocks around Seattle- this was upstairs from the GAP- kind of creepy- kind of cool!

Jax Creations Photography, CreativeLive, Seattle, Colorado baby photographer, Kelly Brown

…and this is creepy Crystal… I don’t like dolls. AT ALL!

Jax Creations Photography, CreativeLive, Seattle, Colorado baby photographer, Kelly Brown

Jax Creations Photography, CreativeLive, Seattle, Colorado baby photographer, Kelly Brown

Jax Creations Photography, CreativeLive, Seattle, Colorado baby photographer, Kelly Brown

Made my way down to Pike’s Market- pretty neat seeing fish being thrown and all the beautiful flowers and food.

Jax Creations Photography, CreativeLive, Seattle, Colorado baby photographer, Kelly Brown

can you find the funny in this photo??

Jax Creations Photography, CreativeLive, Seattle, Colorado baby photographer, Kelly Brown

Jax Creations Photography, CreativeLive, Seattle, Colorado baby photographer, Kelly Brown

Jax Creations Photography, CreativeLive, Seattle, Colorado baby photographer, Kelly Brown

Another creepy crystal photo- this is the bowl Kelly made

Jax Creations Photography, CreativeLive, Seattle, Colorado baby photographer, Kelly Brown

My AMAZING – ugly cry- moment meeting Sue Bryce. That moment was breathtaking!

Jax Creations Photography, CreativeLive, Seattle, Colorado baby photographer, Kelly Brown

Jax Creations Photography, CreativeLive, Seattle, Colorado baby photographer, Kelly Brown

Lunch served at CreativeLive!

Jax Creations Photography, CreativeLive, Seattle, Colorado baby photographer, Kelly Brown

Jax Creations Photography, CreativeLive, Seattle, Colorado baby photographer, Kelly Brown

Jax Creations Photography, CreativeLive, Seattle, Colorado baby photographer, Kelly Brown

Jax Creations Photography, CreativeLive, Seattle, Colorado baby photographer, Kelly Brown

Jax Creations Photography, CreativeLive, Seattle, Colorado baby photographer, Kelly Brown

Jax Creations Photography, CreativeLive, Seattle, Colorado baby photographer, Kelly Brown

Jax Creations Photography, CreativeLive, Seattle, Colorado baby photographer, Kelly Brown

The night before our last day filming, we got to all have dinner with Kelly. It was funny because we had to sit at a long table so half of us had to wait our “turn” to spend with her… I kept thinking it felt more like an episode of the Bachelor waiting to get our own time! Yummy dinner and great laughs with new friends!

Jax Creations Photography, CreativeLive, Seattle, Colorado baby photographer, Kelly Brown

Jax Creations Photography, CreativeLive, Seattle, Colorado baby photographer, Kelly Brown

Jax Creations Photography, Seattle, Colorado baby photographer

2 of my roomies!

Jax Creations Photography, Seattle, Colorado baby photographer

that is Melissa – the girl with the infectious smile!!!

Jax Creations Photography, CreativeLive, Seattle, Colorado baby photographer, Kelly Brown

..the girl on the end with the knitted cap- that is the incredible Mollie!! See that smile…. it never goes away!

Jax Creations Photography, CreativeLive, Seattle, Colorado baby photographer, Kelly Brown

and then suddenly a long week was over. The last segment that will air April 10 – which is a MUST SEE – left us all emotional. Each one of us had shed tears in a happy way and in a sad way. Very emotional segment!

Jax Creations Photography, colorado baby photogreapher, seattle, Creative Live

Jax Creations Photography, colorado baby photogreapher, seattle, Creative Live

Jax Creations Photography, colorado baby photogreapher, seattle, Creative Live

Jax Creations Photography, colorado baby photogreapher, seattle, Creative Live

Jax Creations Photography, colorado baby photogreapher, seattle, Creative Live

Jax Creations Photography, colorado baby photogreapher, seattle, Creative Live

Jax Creations Photography, colorado baby photogreapher, seattle, Creative Live

To lighten the mood in the room- we got in some giggles.

Here is creepy Crystal again!

Jax Creations Photography, colorado baby photogreapher, seattle, Creative Live

Jax Creations Photography, colorado baby photogreapher, seattle, Creative Live

Jax Creations Photography, colorado baby photogreapher, seattle, Creative Live

Jax Creations Photography, CreativeLive, Seattle, Colorado baby photographer, Kelly Brown

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  1. Nice post! So lucky to be there! ;) - Jackie
  2. This was such a joy to read. Made me think back of our time at CreativeLive in Seattle. Thank you for sharing this with us. I am so glad to have met you and I think you are such an amazing baby photographer!!! I wish I was closer to Colorado!! - Jackie
  1. Nice post! So lucky to be there! ;) - Sarah
  2. This was such a joy to read. Made me think back of our time at CreativeLive in Seattle. Thank you for sharing this with us. I am so glad to have met you and I think you are such an amazing baby photographer!!! I wish I was closer to Colorado!! - Dawn